I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
