I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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