I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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