If i come over, it means nothing
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He better not be in your backpack
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
