i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
