In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
