So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
