am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
