Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We need a shit load of segways right now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
