life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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