i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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