so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
