wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
