I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
