Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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