We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
