And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
