bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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