I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
