laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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