i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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