after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
