tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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