Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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