hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
