I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
