Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
