I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
