READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
