Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
