were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
