She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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