i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
