Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
