apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
