I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
