She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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