Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
