FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
