I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
