i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
