Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
