hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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