I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
