I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
