tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
