after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
