just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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