I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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