My pussy is not your playground.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
