We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
