we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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